Batman vs Voldemort
by Laury the Latrator
Summary: Do NOT take this seriously. Harry is too exhausted to fight, so he calls on a stand in. Can the Dark Knight defeat the Dark Lord?


**Batman vs Voldemort**

Harry Potter, a rugged and weary 17 year old wizard, stood towering over the dead husk of a once huge dark green snake. He lowered his wand solemnly, emerald eyes glinting behind his round-rimmed glasses, as if the curse's light still lingered. His two best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, looked on, both gasping for breath in the night air. The Hogwarts courtyard was silent, as if waiting for war to break out at any moment.

"He's coming." Harry told his companions, turning to face them. He swayed a little on his feet, and in the dim light of the moon Harry was sure his friends could see his exhausted expression. Ron moved closer, offering a hand of support for which Harry thanked him with a smile. "Voldemort knows we've destroyed all of his horcruxes, he's coming to fight."

"Are you going to duel him yourself?" Ron asked hesitantly. Hermione cut in before he could answer.

"Ron, don't be ridiculous. Even mortal, Voldemort is still the most powerful wizard alive. How is Harry supposed to survive a confrontation right now? Just look at the state he's in!" Ron glowered at her.

"She's right." Harry admitted. "I'm too weak. Maybe if I was back at full strength, I'd have a chance. But if I meet him like this… well, let's just say I wouldn't come back this time." There was a pause as this truth washed over the trio.

"But then who?" Ron asked, sharing a helpless look with Hermione. "The Order of the Phoenix is all but dead, and everyone else is in hiding. Hermione and I might do some damage but…"

"No," Harry said, "I know just the person. He's like me, but he hasn't got our powers, except… It's hard to explain." He shook his head, raising his arm and pointing his wand at the sky. "_Batum Signalum!_"

* * *

The Dark Lord Voldemort landed lightly in the courtyard, his bare toes flexing against the cold stone. His pitch black cape swirled around him as he surveyed the empty space. The boy had to be near, yet the place seemed deserted.

"Where are you?" Voldemort murmured to the silence. Suddenly, something hit the back of his head hard. He stumbled forward, then turned with a snarl. His red snake-like eyes widened. There, on the ground, was a small metal boomerang in the shape of a bat.

"Who's there!" Voldemort shouted, whirling around wildly. "Show yourself!" There was the softest thump as something touched lightly on to the ground. Voldemort faced the unknown enemy, wand raised. The figure was crouched several feet away. Shrouded in black, with two points sticking up from his cowl, like a devil's horns, he stood. Glinting eyes looked out through narrow slits on his mask. When he spoke, it was with a deep gravelly voice.

"I'm Batman."

"You." Voldemort hissed, mentally recalculating the situation, trying to adjust to this new development. He regained his bravado quickly. "Where is the boy? He's hiding, isn't he." The accomplished Legilimens attempted to breach the man's mind, but the mask prevented a good enough view of his eyes. Trying not to show his aggravation, he commanded in an imperial tone, "Bring him to me and I shall spare your life."

"You will not harm children anymore." Batman declared. "I've come to put a stop to your reign of terror." Voldemort's knuckles clenched around the handle of his wand. The foes began to circle each other, Dark Lord against Dark Knight, both cautious, waiting for the other to make the first move.

"You are bold, for a muggle." Voldemort hissed. "Harry Potter has outdone himself this time. Imagine his cowardice. The boy sends a pitiful muggle to take his place. He has always ridden coattails, and now he clings to the ends of your cape." The wizard laughed, a high pitched grating sound akin to nails raking over a chalkboard. "What threat could you possibly pose?" The hero opened his cape wide, revealing his armored suit and utility belt.

"I may not have supernatural powers," He said, fingers creeping towards his hip, "But don't dare mistake me for powerless." His hand darted out. Voldemort's wand sparked with energy as he reared back, but it was too late. Batman pulled out a couple of spheres and threw them on the ground.

BANG!

Instantly a cloud of smoke erupted between them. Voldemort coughed, then growled. He swept his wand in a wide arch, dispelling the gas. The courtyard was empty again. He cast his eyes around the stone walls surrounding him, trying to find where the hero could possibly be. A idea coming to him, Voldemort nonverbally cast _homenum revelio_. A swooping invisible presence shot from his wand, finding a hidden crevice on the scaffolding. It glowed around the outline of a man and Voldemort struck. Batman sprung from his hiding place, dodging the green bolt of light. He cartwheeled across the ledge as Voldemort continued to fire. It seemed the hero's agility was too much for the wizard. Until he reached a gargoyle that protruded from an enclave.

BOOM!

Voldemort's spell shattered the stone figure right as Batman attempted to leap past. Bombarded by shrapnel and caught off guard by the force of the explosion, Batman fell to the ground. He groaned as he hit the unyielding pavement hard. A smirk crossed Voldemort's face.

"_Crucio_!" He shouted, forestalling the hero's attempt to rise. Batman let out an involuntary cry as his body was wracked with pain. Voldemort approached him, reveling in his suffering. He stopped less than a foot away, gazing indifferently down at the spasming figure. "You see how laughable your efforts are?" He murmured to the man. "I am the most powerful wizard in the world, and you are a mere muggle with some pretty little toys. I will always be superior to you. And now you will die for your folly." He raised his wand with a false sympathetic air. Batman continued to convulse, raising a shaking hand, balled tightly. "_Avada_—" He brought his fist down on the wizard's foot with tremendous force despite the pain. Voldemort howled, hopping backwards. Both curses ceased as he lost his concentration. Batman stood quickly, panting as he readied himself for battle. Voldemort shook his injured foot out, a snarl twisting his lips. "You shall pay for that, insolent muggle!" He declared.

"No, it is you who will pay." Batman said, immediately throwing batarangs at the recovering wizard.

SWISH!

Voldemort easily deflected them with a wave of his wand, retaliating by sending a volley of curses. Batman dodged them, striking with a barrage of tranquilizer darts.

ZOOM!

Voldemort disintegrated them in mid air, though this time he was far slower. The tip of one needle stopped merely an inch in front of where his nose ought to be. Unnerved by the hero's speed, he turned to find Batman with what appeared to be a gun pointed at his face. Voldemort's cracked lips parted with a gasp. Batman clicked a button and grappling hooks protruded from its barrel. He shot the grappling gun, and Voldemort instinctively ducked rather than protecting himself with magic. This would prove to be a fatal mistake. Its hooks caught on a Hogwarts' window, and Batman was pulled forward. As he passed the crouched wizard, he deftly reached out and plucked the wand from Voldemort's hand.

SWIPE!

He landed lightly on the ledge. Voldemort straightened, staring up at the hero with the first inklings of fear. Batman held the wand aloft triumphantly for a moment before taking it in both hands and breaking it.

SNAP!

"Surrender." Batman's booming voice rung out. "You have no chance of beating me now." Despite the note of truth in his words, Voldemort remained furiously defiant.

"Never!" He yelled. "I've been practicing wandless magic since I was a child! I don't need a wand to fight you!"

"So be it." With that, Batman leapt from the ledge, swooping down with a fist outstretched. Voldemort hurriedly swept his arm in an arc, constructing a simple shield. Batman's blow glanced off it, pushing Voldemort back with its force and weakening his defense. The hero landed punch after punch on the invisible barrier, relentlessly wearing it down. Finally, Voldemort couldn't maintain it, and the shield flickered out of existence. Breathing heavily, Voldemort had no protection against Batman's martial arts prowess.

BAM!

WHAM!

KAPOW!

The Dark Lord fell to the ground with an almighty thud, finally defeated.

* * *

"Batman, that was incredible!" Harry Potter exclaimed as he rushed out to meet the victorious hero. Batman had the still unconscious Voldemort tied up with thick black wire and with bat-cuffs binding his wrists. He stood tall and proud as the three teenagers reached him.

"How can we ever repay you?" A tearful Hermione asked. Batman shook his head.

"No need miss." He told them. "I was just doing my job, ridding the world of villainous scum wherever it may be."

"What're you gonna do with him?" Ron wondered curiously, lightly kicking the once great wizard with his shoe.

"I'm taking him back to Gotham City, where he will rot in Arkham Asylum where he belongs." The trio shared quizzical looks as they were each suddenly plagued with doubt.

"Er, excuse me, sir." Hermione tentatively began, raising her hand out of habit. "But isn't Arkham Asylum known for its numerous breakouts? It seems as though villains are always managing to escape. Are you sure Voldemort will be secure there"

"What?" Batman said, taken aback. After a pause, he scoffed. "Oh, you don't know what you're talking about, young lady. You wouldn't understand the complex capitalist mental health industry." As he turned away from them, they could hear him grumble. "Damn Brits with their socialized medicine." With one hand on his captive, Batman pressed a button on his utility belt and jet pack wings extended from his back. Another press of a button and he was off in a blaze of rocket engines and glory. But mostly glory. Harry, Ron and Hermione looked at each other for a moment before Harry shrugged.

He was America's problem now

* * *

**Don't take this seriously. I wrote it for a college project (I go to a _really_ awesome college). It's just for fun, but I love it and I wanted to share it with all of you.**


End file.
